Whole-school assembly

Friday morning was already shaping up to be a very important day for Barry and Marmaduke.

It was their first week at big school, and by now they had experienced quite a lot.

They had made chocolate chip cookies.

They had run part of a marathon.

They had done science involving wood, pipe cleaners and glue.

They had survived their first PE lesson, although Barry remained unconvinced that dodging was a necessary part of dodgeball.

But on Friday morning, Mrs Abraham had something new to tell them.

“Today,” she said, standing at the front of the Reception classroom, “we are going to our first whole-school assembly.”

Marmaduke sat up.

“What happens?”

“We sit in the hall with all the other children.”

Barry frowned.

“For how long?”

Mrs Abraham smiled.

“Not very long.”

Barry looked relieved.

“How long is not very long?”

“About twenty minutes.”

Barry’s mouth fell open.

“TWENTY?”

A few children laughed.

Mrs Abraham held up her hands.

“It will go quickly.”

Barry looked at Marmaduke.

“Twenty minutes is a very long time.”

Marmaduke nodded.

“It is longer than PE.”

“Much longer.”

“It’s longer than lunch.”

Barry looked horrified.

“Is it longer than television?”

Mrs Abraham paused.

“Probably.”

Barry sighed.

“This school is getting worse.”

Alfie, who happened to be walking past the classroom on his way to Year 4, heard this.

He poked his head around the door.

“Barry, assembly is fine.”

“Do you have to sit still?”

“Yes.”

Barry looked at Marmaduke.

“See?”

Alfie continued.

“You listen to the teachers, sing some songs and sometimes there are announcements.”

Barry’s eyes narrowed.

“Do they give you anything?”

“No.”

“Biscuits?”

“No.”

“Stickers?”

“Sometimes.”

Barry brightened.

“What sort of stickers?”

Alfie looked at Mrs Abraham.

“Don’t encourage him.”

Then he disappeared down the corridor.

Barry watched him go.

“He didn’t answer.”

Marmaduke whispered, “I think that means sometimes.”

The class lined up.

Mrs Abraham reminded them of the important rules.

“We walk quietly.”

The children nodded.

“We stay with our class.”

They nodded again.

“We sit where we’re told.”

More nodding.

“And we listen.”

Barry nodded very seriously.

Then he raised his hand.

“Yes, Barry?”

“What if you need a wee?”

Mrs Abraham smiled.

“Tell me quietly.”

Barry nodded.

“What if you need a big wee?”

The class dissolved into giggles.

Mrs Abraham took a breath.

“The same thing.”

Barry nodded.

“Okay.”

The walk to the hall took approximately thirty seconds.

To Barry, it felt like a military operation.

There were children everywhere.

Year 1.

Year 2.

Year 3.

Year 4.

Year 5.

Year 6.

Barry looked up at the older children.

“They’re enormous.”

Marmaduke looked at a Year 6 boy.

“He’s nearly as big as Dad.”

“Maybe he is Dad.”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

They reached the hall.

The Reception children were shown where to sit.

Barry sat beside Marmaduke.

Marmaduke sat beautifully.

Back straight.

Hands in lap.

Looking forward.

Barry sat beautifully for approximately four seconds.

Then he looked at the ceiling.

Then at the floor.

Then at the person sitting in front.

Then at Marmaduke.

Then at the enormous school hall.

Then back at Marmaduke.

“What’s that?”

Marmaduke whispered, “What?”

“That.”

“What?”

“That thing on the wall.”

Marmaduke looked.

“I don’t know.”

Barry stared at it.

“It’s a speaker.”

“I know.”

“How does it make noise?”

“Barry.”

“What?”

“We’re supposed to be quiet.”

Barry nodded.

He lasted another twelve seconds.

“Do you think the speaker can hear us?”

Marmaduke closed his eyes.

“I don’t know.”

Barry whispered even more quietly.

“Hello, speaker.”

Mrs Abraham glanced over.

Barry immediately looked innocent.

The headteacher walked to the front of the hall.

“Good morning, everyone.”

“GOOD MORNING!”

The entire school shouted.

Barry jumped.

Marmaduke jumped.

Barry looked around.

“Why are they shouting?”

Marmaduke whispered, “Because she said good morning.”

“She didn’t say shout.”

The headteacher smiled.

“I hope everyone has had a lovely week.”

Barry whispered, “I have.”

Marmaduke whispered, “Me too.”

Mrs Abraham looked over.

Barry immediately faced forward.

The headteacher continued.

“We’ve had a very exciting start to term.”

Barry leaned towards Marmaduke.

“We’ve had a very exciting start to term.”

“I know.”

“We did science.”

“I know.”

“We did PE.”

“I know.”

“We did cookies.”

“I know.”

“We’re basically famous.”

Marmaduke smiled.

Then came the first song.

The piano began.

The whole school started singing.

Barry looked at Marmaduke.

Marmaduke was singing enthusiastically.

Barry joined in.

He didn’t know all the words.

So he invented some.

Mrs Abraham heard him.

“Barry.”

“What?”

“Those aren’t the words.”

Barry whispered, “I know.”

“Then why are you singing them?”

“I don’t know the proper ones.”

Marmaduke giggled.

The song ended.

Everyone clapped.

Barry clapped extremely loudly.

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.

Mrs Abraham gently touched his arm.

“Not quite so loudly.”

Barry nodded.

“Sorry.”

The headteacher moved on to announcements.

“This week, Year 6 have been working very hard on their charity project.”

Barry listened.

Then his attention wandered.

A shoe was untied.

He noticed.

Then he noticed someone had a glittery hairband.

Then he noticed a tiny piece of fluff on Marmaduke’s jumper.

“Marm.”

“What?”

“You’ve got fluff.”

“Where?”

Barry pointed.

“There.”

Marmaduke tried to find it.

“I can’t see it.”

“It’s there.”

“Where?”

“On your jumper.”

Marmaduke looked down.

“I still can’t see it.”

Barry leaned closer.

“It’s definitely there.”

“Can you get it?”

Barry carefully picked at the fluff.

It didn’t move.

He pulled a little harder.

Still nothing.

Marmaduke whispered, “Barry.”

“What?”

“Stop.”

“I’m trying.”

“You’re pulling my jumper.”

“Oh.”

Barry let go.

Mrs Abraham gave them both The Look.

The Look that said:

I am smiling because I am a teacher, but please stop immediately.

They stopped.

For almost a minute.

Then the headteacher announced that a class had won the “Star of the Week” award.

The winning children came to the front.

Everyone clapped.

Barry watched carefully.

“What’s that?”

“Star of the Week,” whispered Marmaduke.

“Can Reception win?”

“I think so.”

Barry nodded.

“I want one.”

“You have to be really good.”

Barry thought about this.

“How good?”

“Very good.”

Barry looked thoughtful.

Then he whispered:

“I could be quiet.”

Marmaduke looked impressed.

“You could.”

Barry sat completely still.

One second.

Two seconds.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Marmaduke smiled.

Then Barry whispered:

“Am I being good?”

“Yes.”

“Am I winning?”

“I don’t think it works like that.”

“Oh.”

Barry relaxed.

A few minutes later, the headteacher announced something else.

“And finally, a big welcome to all our new Reception children.”

The entire school clapped.

Barry looked around in surprise.

“That’s us!”

Marmaduke grinned.

“We’re famous!”

The Reception children waved.

Barry waved enthusiastically.

Then he realised everyone was looking at them.

He stood up.

Mrs Abraham immediately whispered, “Sit down, Barry.”

Barry sat down.

“Sorry.”

The headteacher smiled.

“We’re very pleased to have you all here.”

Barry whispered to Marmaduke.

“She knows my name.”

“She probably doesn’t.”

“She does.”

“How?”

“Because she looked at me.”

Marmaduke shook his head.

“You’re impossible.”

The assembly was nearly finished.

Mrs Abraham announced that there would be another song.

Barry looked worried.

“Another one?”

“Yes.”

“But we’ve already sung.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“Because assemblies sometimes have more than one song.”

Barry sighed.

“Of course they do.”

The piano started.

This time Barry knew most of the words.

He sang loudly.

Very loudly.

Possibly too loudly.

But he was having fun.

Marmaduke was singing too.

At one point they caught each other’s eye and started giggling.

Mrs Abraham tried not to laugh.

When the song finished, everyone clapped.

Then the headteacher said:

“Have a wonderful weekend.”

The whole school shouted:

“GOODBYE!”

Barry jumped again.

He turned to Marmaduke.

“They’re shouting again.”

Marmaduke laughed.

“It’s the end.”

“So we can go?”

“Yes.”

Barry stood immediately.

Mrs Abraham gently guided him back down.

“Not yet.”

Barry sat.

“Why?”

“We need to wait until our class is called.”

Barry looked around.

“Why?”

“So we don’t all leave at once.”

Barry thought about this.

“That would be exciting.”

“It would be chaos.”

Barry smiled.

“Exactly.”

Then came the moment Barry had been waiting for.

The headteacher began calling classes.

“Year 6.”

A row of enormous children stood up.

“Year 5.”

Another row stood.

“Year 4.”

Barry watched Alfie’s class file past the Reception children.

Alfie spotted Barry.

He smiled.

Barry waved.

Alfie gave him a tiny thumbs-up.

Barry immediately gave him two thumbs-up.

Then three fingers.

Then he wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing anymore.

Marmaduke giggled.

“Barry, you haven’t got three thumbs.”

“I know.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Celebrating.”

“Year 3.”

Another class left.

“Year 2.”

Another.

“Year 1.”

Barry sat up straighter.

He whispered to Marmaduke.

“We’re next.”

“Probably.”

Barry nodded.

He looked towards the doors.

He was ready.

“Reception.”

Barry shot to his feet.

“COME ON, MARM!”

Marmaduke stood too.

Mrs Abraham quickly said, “Wait.”

Barry froze.

“But you said Reception.”

“Yes.”

“So we go.”

“In a moment.”

Barry looked confused.

“But you called us.”

“I called us. We haven’t been dismissed yet.”

Barry frowned.

“That is a very complicated system.”

The Reception children waited.

Barry waited.

Marmaduke waited.

Mrs Abraham waited.

The adults waited.

Everyone waited.

Barry slowly raised his hand.

Mrs Abraham sighed.

“Yes, Barry?”

“Can I go now?”

“No.”

“Why did you call us then?”

“Because we’re going to line up.”

Barry looked at Marmaduke.

“It’s like a trick.”

Marmaduke whispered, “Just wait.”

Barry sighed.

Then he spotted Alfie at the back of the hall, now waiting in the corridor.

Barry waved.

Alfie waved back.

Barry suddenly had an idea.

“Marm.”

“What?”

“Race you to the classroom.”

Marmaduke’s eyes widened.

“We can’t race.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re supposed to walk.”

Barry nodded.

“Okay.”

He paused.

“Race you walking.”

Marmaduke burst out laughing.

Mrs Abraham heard.

“No racing.”

“Fine.”

The Reception children finally lined up.

Mrs Abraham led them towards the door.

Barry walked very slowly.

Suspiciously slowly.

Marmaduke looked at him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m walking.”

“You’re walking like a snail.”

“I’m being safe.”

Mrs Abraham smiled.

“Good walking, Barry.”

Barry grinned.

They reached the corridor.

Barry looked around.

No headteacher.

No assembly.

No giant Year 6 children.

Just Reception.

He whispered to Marmaduke:

“We survived.”

Marmaduke smiled.

“We did.”

Barry nodded proudly.

Then he noticed something.

His shoe was untied.

“Marm.”

“What?”

“My shoe.”

“What about it?”

“It’s untied.”

Marmaduke looked down.

“So tie it.”

Barry considered the problem.

Then he smiled.

“I don’t know how.”

Marmaduke laughed.

Mrs Abraham came over.

“Come on, Barry.”

She helped him.

As they walked back into their classroom, Barry turned to Marmaduke.

“I think I was very good in assembly.”

Marmaduke smiled.

“You were quite good.”

“I only talked a little.”

“A little?”

“Yes.”

“You stood up when you weren’t supposed to.”

“Only once.”

“You sang words you made up.”

“Only some of them.”

“You tried to pull fluff off my jumper.”

“It was important.”

“You nearly started a walking race.”

Barry nodded.

“But I didn’t.”

Marmaduke laughed.

Barry considered everything.

Then he looked pleased with himself.

“So basically…”

“What?”

“I was perfect.”

Mrs Abraham, walking behind them, laughed.

“Let’s call it a promising first attempt.”

Barry nodded.

“I’ll take that.”

The children sat down.

Barry looked at Marmaduke.

“Marm?”

“Yes?”

“Do you know what I learned today?”

“What?”

Barry thought very seriously.

“Assembly is mostly sitting down, singing and waiting.”

Marmaduke nodded.

“Yes.”

Barry smiled.

“And I am extremely good at two of those things.”

“Which two?”

“Talking and singing.”

Marmaduke laughed.

Barry looked around the classroom.

Then he lowered his voice.

“And next week…”

“Yes?”

“I think we should find out about the biscuits.”

Marmaduke nodded solemnly.

“Definitely.”

Mrs Abraham looked over.

“There are no biscuits at assembly.”

Barry froze.

Marmaduke froze.

The room went silent.

Barry slowly turned to Marmaduke.

“Our research has failed.”

Marmaduke nodded.

“Completely.”

Barry thought for a moment.

Then he smiled.

“That’s okay.”

“Why?”

Barry leaned closer.

“We’ll research lunch instead.”

Marmaduke grinned.

And Mrs Abraham, who had taught Reception children for long enough to know exactly where this was going, quietly moved the biscuit tin to a much higher shelf.