Friday morning arrived.
It had been a long week.
Not a terrible week, overall. Just a very full one.
Barry and Marmaduke had been back at school all week, which meant Snowball had finally experienced several consecutive hours of peace and quiet each day.
She had spent those hours doing what cats do best.
Sleeping.
She had slept on the sofa.
She had slept in her radiator hammock.
She had slept in one of her many baskets.
She had sat on the windowsill and watched birds.
She had eaten her special recovery food.
And, most importantly, she had not been subjected to a four-year-old asking her every twelve minutes whether she was still alive.
Although, to be fair, Barry had been trying.
He had simply been prevented from doing so by school.
Snowball was beginning to appreciate the education system.
At seven thirty on Friday morning, Alfie came downstairs.
He was already dressed.
His school shirt was tucked in.
His hair was brushed.
His school bag was packed.
His homework was inside it.
His PE kit was inside it.
He had checked his timetable twice.
Mrs Brand was in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking at emails.
“Morning, Alfie.”
“Morning, Mum.”
He sat down.
Mrs Brand looked at him.
There was something about his face.
“What?”
“What?”
“You’ve got that look.”
“What look?”
“The look you get when you’ve discovered something.”
Alfie smiled.
“I have.”
Mrs Brand put her phone down.
“Oh dear.”
“It isn’t bad.”
“That’s what you said before you explained the entire history of the Roman Empire to me over breakfast.”
“I thought you were interested.”
“I was. For approximately the first seven minutes.”
Alfie grinned.
“This is about Snowball.”
Mrs Brand immediately looked towards the sitting room.
Snowball was curled up in her basket.
“Of course it is.”
“I was doing some work in IT yesterday.”
“IT?”
“Yes. We had some time where we could research something.”
“And you researched Snowball?”
“Sort of.”
Mrs Brand smiled.
“What did you find?”
Alfie leaned forward.
“I found out more about white cats.”
Mrs Brand raised an eyebrow.
“Right.”
“And deafness.”
Mrs Brand stopped drinking her coffee.
“Okay.”
Alfie continued.
“Apparently white cats with blue eyes are more likely to be born deaf.”
Mrs Brand glanced towards Snowball.
Snowball was still asleep.
“Snowball has two blue eyes.”
“I know.”
“So you think she might be deaf?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I looked it up.”
Alfie sounded very serious.
“She’s in a higher-risk group.”
Mrs Brand nodded slowly.
“That is interesting.”
“I found some gentle tests that people can do at home.”
“Such as?”
“You can make a quiet sound behind the cat, without touching them, and see whether they react.”
“Such as?”
“Jingling car keys.”
Mrs Brand smiled.
“That’s quite specific.”
“It said keys were useful because they’re a familiar sort of sound.”
“Did your IT lesson actually involve car keys?”
“No.”
“Good.”
“I was just researching.”
“Of course you were.”
Alfie took another piece of toast.
“You can stand a few metres away and gently jingle them behind the cat.”
“Without startling her?”
“Yes. That’s important.”
“Good.”
“And you can make other gentle sounds too.”
Mrs Brand nodded.
“I think we should be careful about interpreting anything from a home test.”
“I know.”
“The vet would be the person to tell us whether she can actually hear.”
“I know.”
“But if we’ve been wondering whether she responds to sounds…”
“We can have a look.”
Mrs Brand smiled.
“After the school run.”
Alfie nodded.
“Exactly.”
From the doorway came a voice.
“What’s a school run?”
Barry.
He had appeared wearing one sock.
Nobody had heard him come downstairs.
Mrs Brand sighed.
“Good morning, Barry.”
“Good morning.”
“You’ve only got one sock on.”
Barry looked down.
“I know.”
“Why?”
“I haven’t found the other one.”
“Where did you look?”
“Everywhere.”
Alfie looked at him.
“Have you looked in your bedroom?”
Barry thought about it.
“No.”
Alfie stared at him.
“That isn’t everywhere.”
Barry ignored him.
“What were you talking about?”
“Snowball,” said Alfie.
Barry immediately became interested.
“What about Snowball?”
Alfie explained.
Barry’s eyes widened.
“She might not be able to hear?”
“Maybe.”
“Like when I talk?”
“No,” said Alfie. “She might not hear at all.”
Barry looked horrified.
“How does she know when I shout?”
“She might not.”
Barry’s face fell.
“But I shout quite loudly.”
“We know,” said Mrs Brand.
Marmaduke arrived at that exact moment.
He came through the front door with his school bag over one shoulder.
“Morning!”
“Morning,” said Mrs Brand.
Marmaduke looked around.
“What’s happened?”
Barry pointed dramatically towards Snowball.
“She might be deaf!”
Marmaduke stopped.
“Really?”
“Maybe.”
“Why?”
“She’s white.”
Marmaduke looked at Snowball.
“So are some clouds.”
Alfie frowned.
“It’s more complicated than that.”
Marmaduke nodded.
“Okay.”
Barry turned to his best friend.
“We have to test her.”
Marmaduke looked at Mrs Brand.
“Do we?”
Mrs Brand shook her head.
“Not now. After school.”
Barry looked disappointed.
“Why?”
“Because you have to go to school.”
“But Snowball needs testing.”
“Snowball has managed to survive four days without a medical examination by Barry.”
Barry folded his arms.
“She could be deaf.”
“And she can wait until after school.”
Barry thought about this.
“Fine.”
He turned to Snowball.
“We’ll test you later.”
Snowball remained asleep.
Barry nodded.
“She knows.”
Alfie looked at Mum.
“I’m not sure she does.”
The school run was unusually quiet.
Barry kept looking back.
“Do you think Snowball can hear the cars?”
“I don’t know,” said Alfie.
“Do you think she can hear us?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think she can hear the fridge?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can deaf cats hear the fridge?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can you hear the fridge?”
“Yes.”
“Can Marmaduke hear the fridge?”
“I can hear you,” said Marmaduke.
“That’s not what I asked.”
Marmaduke sighed.
“I can hear the fridge.”
“Can deaf people hear the fridge?”
“Barry,” said Alfie, “stop interviewing everyone.”
They reached school.
Barry turned to Mrs Brand.
“Remember.”
“Remember what?”
“Snowball.”
“I won’t forget her.”
“And the keys.”
“I know.”
“And don’t scare her.”
“I know.”
“And don’t make them too loud.”
“I know.”
“And—”
“Go to school.”
Barry nodded.
“Okay.”
He ran inside.
Marmaduke followed.
Alfie walked in after them.
Mrs Brand watched them disappear.
Then she looked at her watch.
It was going to be a very long day.
After school, Barry came through the door at full speed.
“SNOWBALL!”
Snowball was asleep.
Barry stopped.
He whispered, “She’s asleep.”
Alfie came in behind him.
“Don’t wake her.”
Barry looked at Mum.
“Are we testing her now?”
Mrs Brand nodded.
“Maybe.”
“Where are the keys?”
Mrs Brand held them up.
Barry’s eyes widened.
“Can I do it?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because we don’t want you jingling them loudly right beside her head.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“You’d probably enjoy it too much.”
Barry looked offended.
“I am very scientific.”
Alfie nodded.
“That’s exactly what worries me.”
Mrs Brand took the keys.
She explained that they were only going to do a gentle, simple observation.
They wouldn’t bang anything.
They wouldn’t shout.
They wouldn’t touch Snowball.
And they wouldn’t assume that one response—or no response—proved anything.
“We’re just looking for clues,” she said.
Barry nodded solemnly.
“A clue.”
“A clue.”
Marmaduke arrived shortly afterwards.
He had clearly been thinking about Snowball all day.
“Did you test her?”
“Not yet,” said Barry.
“Good.”
Marmaduke sat down.
“Can I watch?”
“Of course.”
Snowball was sitting on the floor grooming herself.
Mrs Brand waited until Snowball had settled.
Then she walked a few metres away.
She made sure Snowball wasn’t looking at her.
She gently moved the keys.
Jingle.
Snowball stopped grooming.
Her ears moved.
Barry’s mouth fell open.
“She heard!”
“Maybe,” said Mrs Brand.
Snowball looked around.
Her eyes landed on Mrs Brand.
Barry whispered, “She definitely heard.”
Alfie smiled.
“That looks promising.”
Mrs Brand waited.
She tried again, from another position.
Jingle.
Snowball’s ears twitched.
She turned her head.
Barry jumped up.
“YES!”
Snowball stared at him.
Barry froze.
“Sorry.”
Snowball blinked.
Barry sat back down.
“Scientific.”
Marmaduke grinned.
“She definitely noticed.”
Mrs Brand nodded.
“She certainly seems to be responding to the sound.”
Alfie looked pleased.
“So she’s not deaf?”
Mrs Brand paused.
“We can’t say that for certain from this.”
Alfie nodded.
“Because it isn’t a proper hearing test.”
“Exactly.”
“But it makes it less likely?”
“It certainly gives us some reassurance.”
Barry smiled.
“Snowball can hear!”
Snowball looked at him.
Barry whispered:
“Can you hear me?”
Snowball blinked.
“Can you hear Marmaduke?”
Blink.
“Can you hear Alfie?”
Blink.
“Can you hear Dad?”
Blink.
Mrs Brand laughed.
“Barry, I think you’ve made your point.”
Barry wasn’t finished.
“Can you hear the toaster?”
Snowball looked towards the kitchen.
Barry gasped.
“She can!”
Alfie shook his head.
“You didn’t even turn it on.”
Snowball walked away.
Barry followed her.
“Can you hear the television?”
“Barry.”
“Can you hear the washing machine?”
“Barry.”
“Can you hear me thinking?”
Snowball stopped.
She looked directly at him.
Barry stared back.
“I think she can.”
Marmaduke laughed.
Later that evening, Mr Brand came home.
Mrs Brand told him about Alfie’s research and the little test.
He listened carefully.
“That’s reassuring.”
“Yes,” said Mrs Brand. “But if we have any real concerns, we’ll ask the vet.”
Alfie nodded.
“That was what I found too.”
Mr Brand smiled.
“Very responsible research.”
Alfie looked pleased.
“Thanks.”
Barry was sitting on the floor with Snowball.
“I knew she could hear.”
“How did you know?”
“She looks at me.”
“That doesn’t prove it.”
“Yes it does.”
“No, Barry.”
“Yes.”
Marmaduke laughed.
Snowball curled herself into a ball beside him.
The week had been quite a week.
There had been blood tests.
There had been serious conversations.
There had been new rules about keeping Snowball indoors.
There had been handwashing and changing clothes to help protect Bubble.
And now there had been an investigation into whether Snowball could hear.
Snowball, for her part, was beginning to realise that this was simply what life was going to be like.
Her new family loved her.
They worried about her.
They researched things about her.
They bought things for her.
They watched her sleep.
They checked her food.
They counted her litter trays.
They had already discussed her blood tests at considerable length.
And now they were jingling keys at her.
Snowball looked around the room.
Barry was stroking her gently.
Marmaduke was sitting nearby.
Alfie was reading.
Mrs Brand was answering emails.
Mr Brand was doing the same.
Snowball began to purr.
She liked them.
All of them.
Even Barry.
Especially Barry, perhaps.
Although she suspected that if she had been given the choice, she might have preferred a slightly quieter family.
Then Barry looked up.
“Mum?”
“Yes?”
“Can we test her again tomorrow?”
“No.”
“Sunday?”
“No.”
“Next week?”
“We don’t need to keep testing her if she’s responding normally.”
Barry looked disappointed.
“But it’s interesting.”
Alfie looked over his book.
“Barry, she’s a cat, not a GCSE.”
Barry thought about this.
“What GCSE is she?”
“None.”
“Yet.”
Alfie closed his eyes.
Marmaduke burst out laughing.
Snowball stretched, yawned and settled back into her basket.
She had absolutely no idea what a GCSE was.
But she was beginning to suspect that, in this family, it was only a matter of time before someone tried to teach her.
Alfie, Barry and Marmaduke Stories 
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