Saturday morning began with Alfie being extremely pleased with himself.
He had been chosen for the Year 4 away football match.
This was a big deal.
Alfie loved football.
He loved playing for his school.
He loved the feeling of being selected.
He also loved being organised.
Which was unfortunate.
Because the school had organised something incomprehensible, or maybe absolutely nothing, no one knew.
At least, that was how it appeared.
Alfie came downstairs at 7.12am wearing his football kit.
His boots were already on.
His shin pads were in place.
His water bottle was full.
His school bag contained everything he had been told to bring.
He had even checked the weather.
Mr Brand looked at him.
“You’re ready.”
“Yes.”
“When are you leaving?”
“Eight fifteen.”
“Where are you going?”
Alfie paused.
“That is the problem.”
Mr Brand looked up.
“What do you mean?”
“We don’t know.”
Barry wandered into the kitchen wearing pyjamas.
Marmaduke followed him.
Barry looked at Alfie.
“Where are you going?”
“Football.”
“Where?”
“We don’t know.”
Barry smiled.
“That’s exciting.”
“No,” said Alfie.
“It isn’t.”
Mrs Brand came downstairs carrying a paintbrush.
She was wearing old clothes.
“I’ve got a couple of hours,” she announced. “I’m going to paint the spare attic room.”
Mr Brand looked at her.
“Today?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve decided it needs doing.”
He nodded slowly.
This was Mrs Brand.
When she decided something needed doing, it generally happened.
“Marjory’s on call,” she added. “She can’t take him.”
“Right.”
“So you’re taking Alfie.”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
She disappeared upstairs.
Mr Brand looked at Alfie.
“Where is the match?”
Alfie sighed.
“Originally it was at one place.”
“Okay.”
“Then they changed it.”
“Right.”
“Then they changed it again.”
“Okay.”
“Then yesterday they changed it again.”
Mr Brand frowned.
“How many times?”
“Four.”
Barry climbed onto a chair.
“Four football matches?”
“No. Four plans.”
Marmaduke nodded.
“That’s a lot of plans.”
“It is,” said Alfie.
Mr Brand picked up his phone.
“Let’s see what the latest message says.”
He opened the school WhatsApp message.
He read it.
Then read it again.
Then looked at Alfie.
“Where is this?”
Alfie shrugged.
“I don’t know.”
Mr Brand opened Google Maps.
He typed the name.
Three possible locations appeared.
“Brilliant.”
Then his phone buzzed.
A WhatsApp message.
YEAR 4 FOOTBALL — PARENT GROUP
Someone had set up a group overnight.
Mr Brand opened it.
There were already thirty-seven messages.
He stared.
The first said:
Morning all. Can anyone confirm where we’re actually playing?
The second:
I thought it was Chiswick?
The third:
No, I was told Acton.
The fourth:
School email says Ealing.
The fifth:
I have a message saying Hammersmith.
The sixth:
Is anyone actually sure?
The seventh:
I think so.
The eighth:
What does that mean?
The ninth:
Not sure.
Mr Brand scrolled.
Barry peered over his shoulder.
“What are you looking at?”
“Football.”
“Is it good?”
“No.”
“Is it a game?”
“Technically.”
“Who’s winning?”
“Nobody.”
Marmaduke looked at the phone.
“Is everyone lost?”
“Yes.”
Marmaduke nodded.
“That happens.”
Mr Brand continued scrolling.
Someone had posted a screenshot.
Someone else had posted another screenshot.
Someone had said the meeting time was 8.45.
Someone else said 9.15.
Another parent said 9.30.
Someone asked whether that was the arrival time or kick-off time.
Nobody knew.
One parent wrote:
I’m currently at the wrong pitch.
Another responded:
Same.
Mr Brand stared at the screen.
“Right.”
Alfie looked worried.
“I don’t want to be late.”
“You won’t.”
“But where are we going?”
Mr Brand picked up the keys.
“We’re going to find out.”
Barry cheered.
“Adventure!”
“No,” said Mr Brand.
“Football.”
Barry nodded.
“Football adventure.”
They left.
Mrs Brand shouted from upstairs.
“Good luck!”
Mr Brand shouted back.
“With what?”
“Finding it!”
This was not reassuring.
The first location they tried was a playing field in Chiswick.
They arrived at 8.34.
There were children.
There were parents.
There were footballs.
Mr Brand looked relieved.
“We’re here!”
Alfie looked out of the window.
“No.”
“What?”
“Different school.”
Mr Brand looked at the children.
They were wearing completely different colours.
One parent was already unloading cones.
Mr Brand drove away.
Barry was delighted.
“Maybe this is another football match.”
“It is.”
“Can I play?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re four.”
“Oh.”
Marmaduke looked out of the window.
“Where are we going now?”
Mr Brand checked the WhatsApp group.
A new message appeared.
CONFIRMED — EALING COMMON. 9.15 MEET.
Mr Brand sighed with relief.
“Ealing Common.”
Alfie checked.
“Are you sure?”
“Apparently.”
They drove.
The WhatsApp group became increasingly frantic.
Does anyone know which entrance?
Which side of the common?
There’s a cricket pitch.
I think we’re by the wrong one.
I’m at the playground.
Don’t go to the playground.
Too late.
Mr Brand laughed.
“This is unbelievable.”
Alfie looked worried.
“Dad.”
“We’ll find it.”
They eventually arrived at Ealing Common.
There were football pitches.
Lots of them.
Mr Brand slowed down.
“Which one?”
Alfie looked around.
“I don’t know.”
They got out.
Barry and Marmaduke ran after him.
Mr Brand called:
“Stay together!”
They walked around.
One pitch had adults playing.
Another had teenagers.
Another had a children’s match.
None was Alfie’s school.
Mr Brand checked his phone.
Another message.
UPDATE: IT’S NOT EALING COMMON. SCHOOL HAS JUST SENT ANOTHER EMAIL.
Mr Brand stared at the screen.
Alfie looked at him.
“Dad?”
Mr Brand took a deep breath.
“Back in the car.”
Barry looked delighted.
“Another adventure!”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Marmaduke laughed.
They got back in.
Mrs Brand called.
“Have you found it?”
“No.”
“Where are you?”
“Ealing.”
“That’s useful.”
“No.”
She laughed.
“I’m halfway through painting.”
“What colour?”
“Something called ‘Calm Morning.’”
Mr Brand looked at the road.
“I could use some of that.”
“What does the latest message say?”
“Don’t ask.”
“Fair enough.”
She hung up.
Mr Brand looked at the WhatsApp group.
The parents had now begun exchanging theories.
One parent had called the school office.
Another had apparently spoken to a teacher.
Someone had found an old fixture list.
Someone else had found a website.
A parent had written:
I think it’s actually in Shepherd’s Bush.
Another responded:
My husband is already there.
Then:
He’s not happy.
Mr Brand sighed.
“Shepherd’s Bush.”
Alfie nodded.
“Let’s go.”
They drove again.
Barry and Marmaduke had turned the back seat into a football commentary box.
“AND HERE COMES ALFIE!”
“HE’S DRIVING TO THE PITCH!”
“HE’S LOOKING FOR THE PITCH!”
“HE CAN’T FIND THE PITCH!”
Mr Brand glanced in the mirror.
“I can hear you.”
“Sorry,” said Marmaduke.
Barry immediately whispered:
“HE CAN HEAR US.”
They arrived in Shepherd’s Bush.
There were several pitches.
They stopped.
Alfie got out.
He looked around.
Then his face changed.
“Dad.”
“What?”
“I think that’s them.”
A group of Year 4 boys was standing near a football pitch.
They were wearing the school kit.
A teacher was holding a clipboard.
Parents were unloading bags.
Mr Brand stared.
“We’ve found it.”
Alfie grinned.
“Yes!”
He ran over.
“I’m here!”
The teacher smiled.
“Excellent, Alfie.”
Mr Brand stood beside the car in silence.
Barry and Marmaduke climbed out.
Barry looked at the football pitch.
“We found it!”
Marmaduke smiled.
“We did.”
Mr Brand checked the WhatsApp group.
Someone had just written:
Confirmed: Shepherd’s Bush.
Another message followed:
Actually, which pitch?
Mr Brand put his phone away.
“No.”
Alfie looked back.
“Dad?”
“Go and play.”
Alfie smiled.
“Thanks.”
He ran towards his teammates.
Barry watched.
“Can we play?”
“Not today.”
“Why?”
“It’s Year 4.”
Barry looked disappointed.
Marmaduke patted him on the shoulder.
“Maybe another time.”
Barry nodded.
Then he looked at Mr Brand.
“Can we find another football match?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve already found about 40 pitches this morning.”
“But we could find another.”
Mr Brand laughed.
“No.”
They stood watching Alfie warm up.
He was happy.
He was where he was supposed to be.
He had his football.
His teammates.
His boots.
His match.
Everything had finally come together.
Mr Brand’s phone buzzed.
He ignored it.
It buzzed again.
Then again.
Marmaduke looked at him.
“Is that the parents?”
“Yes.”
“What do they want?”
Mr Brand checked.
The latest message said:
Good luck everyone. Just to confirm, are we definitely at Shepherd’s Bush?
Mr Brand stared at it.
Then slowly put the phone back in his pocket.
“No.”
Barry laughed.
Marmaduke laughed.
Even Alfie, who had been worried about being late for the last hour, laughed when his dad told him.
The match eventually began.
Alfie played well.
He chased the ball.
Passed.
Defended.
Supported his teammates.
He looked completely at home.
Mr Brand stood on the touchline with Barry and Marmaduke.
Barry had a football under his arm.
Marmaduke was eating a snack.
Mr Brand watched Alfie.
“He looks happy.”
“He does,” said Marmaduke.
Barry nodded.
“Can we go home now?”
Mr Brand looked at him.
“Yes.”
“Can we go the normal way?”
Mr Brand laughed.
“Hopefully.”
They waited until the match finished.
Alfie came over, flushed and happy.
“That was brilliant.”
Mr Brand smiled.
“Good.”
On the way home, Mrs Brand called.
“How did it go?”
“Match was great.”
“Excellent.”
“Finding it was not.”
She laughed.
“How many locations?”
“Four?”
“Again?”
“Yes.”
“How’s the painting?”
Mr Brand smiled.
“Finished?”
“Almost.”
“Good.”
Barry leaned forward.
“Daddy?”
“Yes?”
“Next time Alfie has football, can we just stay at home?”
Mr Brand looked at him.
“That’s what I wanted to do this morning.”
Barry nodded.
“Good.”
There was a pause.
Then Barry added:
“Unless it’s an adventure.”
Mr Brand smiled.
“Of course.”
Marmaduke looked out of the window.
“Where’s the adventure?”
Mr Brand sighed.
“Home.”
And for once, everyone agreed that was exactly the right pitch.
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